ACT I SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.
Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger
LEONATO
I learn in this letter that Don Peter of
Arragon comes this night to Messina.
Messenger
He is very near by this: he was not three leagues
off when I left him.
LEONATO
How many gentlemen have you lost in this
action?
Messenger
But few of any sort, and none of
name.
LEONATO
A victory is twice itself when the achiever
brings home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter
hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called
Claudio.
Messenger
Much deserved on his part and equally remembered
by Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.
LEONATO
He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very
much glad of it.
Messenger
I have already delivered him letters, and
there appears much joy in him; even so much that joy
could not show itself modest enough without a badge
of bitterness.
LEONATO
Did he break out into tears?
Messenger
In great measure.
LEONATO
A kind overflow of kindness: there are no
faces truer than those that are so washed. How
much better is it to weep at joy than to joy at
weeping!
BEATRICE
I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from
the wars or no?
Messenger
I know none of that name, lady: there was none
such in the army of any sort.
LEONATO
What is he that you ask for,
niece?
HERO
My cousin means Signior Benedick of
Padua.
Messenger
O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he
was.
BEATRICE
He set up his bills here in Messina and
challenged Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool,
reading the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and
challenged him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many
hath he killed and eaten in these wars? But how many
hath he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his
killing.
LEONATO
Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too
much; but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it
not.
Messenger
He hath done good service, lady, in these
wars.
BEATRICE
You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat
it: he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath
an excellent stomach.
Messenger
And a good soldier too, lady.
BEATRICE
And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a
lord?
Messenger
A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with
all honourable virtues.
BEATRICE
It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed
man: but for the stuffing,--well, we are all
mortal.
LEONATO
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is
a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and
her: they never meet but there's a skirmish of
wit between them.
BEATRICE
Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our
last conflict four of his five wits went halting off,
and now is the whole man governed with one: so that
if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let
him bear it for a difference between himself and
his horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath
left, to be known a reasonable creature. Who is
his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn
brother.
Messenger
Is't possible?
BEATRICE
Very easily possible: he wears his faith but
as the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with
the next block.
Messenger
I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your
books.
BEATRICE
No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I
pray you, who is his companion? Is there no
young squarer now that will make a voyage with him to
the devil?
Messenger
He is most in the company of the right noble
Claudio.
BEATRICE
O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease:
he is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the
taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio!
if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him
a thousand pound ere a' be cured.
Messenger
I will hold friends with you,
lady.
BEATRICE
Do, good friend.
LEONATO
You will never run mad, niece.
BEATRICE
No, not till a hot January.
Messenger
Don Pedro is approached.
Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and
BALTHASAR
DON PEDRO
Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet
your trouble: the fashion of the world is to
avoid cost, and you encounter it.
LEONATO
Never came trouble to my house in the likeness
of your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort
should remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow
abides and happiness takes his
leave.
DON PEDRO
You embrace your charge too willingly. I think
this is your daughter.
LEONATO
Her mother hath many times told me
so.
BENEDICK
Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked
her?
LEONATO
Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a
child.
DON PEDRO
You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by
this what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady
fathers herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like
an honourable father.
BENEDICK
If Signior Leonato be her father, she would
not have his head on her shoulders for all Messina,
as like him as she is.
BEATRICE
I wonder that you will still be talking,
Signior Benedick: nobody marks
you.
BENEDICK
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet
living?
BEATRICE
Is it possible disdain should die while she
hath such meet food to feed it as Signior
Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if
you come in her presence.
BENEDICK
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain
I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and
I would I could find in my heart that I had not a
hard heart; for, truly, I love
none.
BEATRICE
A dear happiness to women: they would else
have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank
God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that:
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a
man swear he loves me.
BENEDICK
God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so
some gentleman or other shall 'scape a
predestinate scratched face.
BEATRICE
Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere
such a face as yours were.
BENEDICK
Well, you are a rare
parrot-teacher.
BEATRICE
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of
yours.
BENEDICK
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue,
and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i'
God's name; I have done.
BEATRICE
You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of
old.
DON PEDRO
That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior
Claudio and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato
hath invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here
at the least a month; and he heartily prays
some occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is
no hypocrite, but prays from his
heart.
LEONATO
If you swear, my lord, you shall not be
forsworn.
To DON JOHN Let me bid you welcome, my lord:
being reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you
all duty.
DON JOHN
I thank you: I am not of many words, but I
thank you.
LEONATO
Please it your grace lead on?
DON PEDRO
Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.
Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO
CLAUDIO
Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior
Leonato?
BENEDICK
I noted her not; but I looked on
her.
CLAUDIO
Is she not a modest young
lady?
BENEDICK
Do you question me, as an honest man should do,
for my simple true judgment; or would you have me
speak after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to
their sex?
CLAUDIO
No; I pray thee speak in sober
judgment.
BENEDICK
Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a
high praise, too brown for a fair praise and too
little for a great praise: only this commendation I
can afford her, that were she other than she is,
she were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is,
I do not like her.
CLAUDIO
Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell
me truly how thou likest her.
BENEDICK
Would you buy her, that you inquire after
her?
CLAUDIO
Can the world buy such a
jewel?
BENEDICK
Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you
this with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting
Jack, to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan
a rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man
take you, to go in the song?
CLAUDIO
In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever
I looked on.
BENEDICK
I can see yet without spectacles and I see no
such matter: there's her cousin, an she were
not possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in
beauty as the first of May doth the last of December.
But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have
you?
CLAUDIO
I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn
the contrary, if Hero would be my
wife.
BENEDICK
Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the
world one man but he will wear his cap with
suspicion? Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score
again? Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy
neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh
away Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek
you.
Re-enter DON PEDRO
DON
PEDRO
What secret hath held you here, that you
followed not to Leonato's?
BENEDICK
I would your grace would constrain me to
tell.
DON PEDRO
I charge thee on thy
allegiance.
BENEDICK
You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a
dumb man; I would have you think so; but, on
my allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He
is in love. With who? now that is your grace's
part. Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero,
Leonato's short daughter.
CLAUDIO
If this were so, so were it
uttered.
BENEDICK
Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so,
nor 'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should
be so.'
CLAUDIO
If my passion change not shortly, God forbid
it should be otherwise.
DON PEDRO
Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well
worthy.
CLAUDIO
You speak this to fetch me in, my
lord.
DON PEDRO
By my troth, I speak my
thought.
CLAUDIO
And, in faith, my lord, I spoke
mine.
BENEDICK
And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke
mine.
CLAUDIO
That I love her, I feel.
DON PEDRO
That she is worthy, I know.
BENEDICK
That I neither feel how she should be loved
nor know how she should be worthy, is the opinion
that fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at
the stake.
DON PEDRO
Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the
despite of beauty.
CLAUDIO
And never could maintain his part but in the
force of his will.
BENEDICK
That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that
she brought me up, I likewise give her most
humble thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in
my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible
baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not
do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself
the right to trust none; and the fine is, for the
which I may go the finer, I will live a
bachelor.
DON PEDRO
I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with
love.
BENEDICK
With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my
lord, not with love: prove that ever I lose more
blood with love than I will get again with drinking,
pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang
me up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign
of blind Cupid.
DON PEDRO
Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith,
thou wilt prove a notable
argument.
BENEDICK
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and
shoot at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped
on the shoulder, and called Adam.
DON PEDRO
Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage
bull doth bear the yoke.'
BENEDICK
The savage bull may; but if ever the
sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns
and set them in my forehead: and let me be vilely
painted, and in such great letters as they write 'Here
is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my
sign 'Here you may see Benedick the married
man.'
CLAUDIO
If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be
horn-mad.
DON PEDRO
Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver
in Venice, thou wilt quake for this
shortly.
BENEDICK
I look for an earthquake too,
then.
DON PEDRO
Well, you temporize with the hours. In
the meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair
to Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I
will not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath
made great preparation.
BENEDICK
I have almost matter enough in me for such
an embassage; and so I commit
you--
CLAUDIO
To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had
it,--
DON PEDRO
The sixth of July: Your loving friend,
Benedick.
BENEDICK
Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of
your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments,
and the guards are but slightly basted on neither:
ere you flout old ends any further, examine
your conscience: and so I leave you.
Exit
CLAUDIO
My liege, your highness now may do me
good.
DON PEDRO
My love is thine to teach: teach it but
how, And thou shalt see how apt it is to
learn Any hard lesson that may do thee
good.
CLAUDIO
Hath Leonato any son, my
lord?
DON PEDRO
No child but Hero; she's his only heir. Dost thou affect her, Claudio?
CLAUDIO
O, my lord, When you went
onward on this ended action, I look'd upon her with a
soldier's eye, That liked, but had a rougher task in
hand Than to drive liking to the name of
love: But now I am return'd and that
war-thoughts Have left their places vacant, in their
rooms Come thronging soft and delicate
desires, All prompting me how fair young Hero
is, Saying, I liked her ere I went to
wars.
DON PEDRO
Thou wilt be like a lover presently And tire the hearer with a book of words. If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, And I will break with her and with her father, And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?
CLAUDIO
How sweetly you do minister to love, That know love's grief by his complexion! But lest my liking might too sudden seem, I would have salved it with a longer
treatise.
DON PEDRO
What need the bridge much broader than the
flood? The fairest grant is the necessity. Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest, And I will fit thee with the remedy. I
know we shall have revelling to-night: I will assume
thy part in some disguise And tell fair Hero I am
Claudio, And in her bosom I'll unclasp my
heart And take her hearing prisoner with the
force And strong encounter of my amorous
tale: Then after to her father will I break; And the conclusion is, she shall be thine. In practise let us put it presently.
Exeunt
SCENE II. A room in LEONATO's house.
Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting
LEONATO
How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your
son? hath he provided this music?
ANTONIO
He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can
tell you strange news that you yet dreamt not
of.
LEONATO
Are they good?
ANTONIO
As the event stamps them: but they have a
good cover; they show well outward. The prince and
Count Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in
mine orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of
mine: the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved
my niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge
it this night in a dance: and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the present time by the top and instantly break with you of it.
LEONATO
Hath the fellow any wit that told you
this?
ANTONIO
A good sharp fellow: I will send for him;
and question him yourself.
LEONATO
No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it
appear itself: but I will acquaint my daughter
withal, that she may be the better prepared for an
answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell
her of it.
Enter Attendants Cousins, you know what you have
to do. O, I cry you mercy, friend; go you with me, and I
will use your skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy
time.
Exeunt
SCENE III. The same.
Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE
CONRADE
What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus
out of measure sad?
DON JOHN
There is no measure in the occasion that
breeds; therefore the sadness is without
limit.
CONRADE
You should hear reason.
DON JOHN
And when I have heard it, what blessing brings
it?
CONRADE
If not a present remedy, at least a
patient sufferance.
DON JOHN
I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou
art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a
moral medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot
hide what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and
smile at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and
wait for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy
and tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry
and claw no man in his humour.
CONRADE
Yea, but you must not make the full show of
this till you may do it without controlment. You have
of late stood out against your brother, and he
hath ta'en you newly into his grace; where it
is impossible you should take true root but by
the fair weather that you make yourself: it is
needful that you frame the season for your own
harvest.
DON JOHN
I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose
in his grace, and it better fits my blood to
be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to
rob love from any: in this, though I cannot be said
to be a flattering honest man, it must not be
denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted
with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore
I have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had
my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would
do my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am
and seek not to alter me.
CONRADE
Can you make no use of your
discontent?
DON JOHN
I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who comes here?
Enter BORACHIO What news,
Borachio?
BORACHIO
I came yonder from a great supper: the prince
your brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and
I can give you intelligence of an intended
marriage.
DON JOHN
Will it serve for any model to build mischief
on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself
to unquietness?
BORACHIO
Marry, it is your brother's right
hand.
DON JOHN
Who? the most exquisite
Claudio?
BORACHIO
Even he.
DON
JOHN
A proper squire! And who, and who? which way
looks he?
BORACHIO
Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of
Leonato.
DON JOHN
A very forward March-chick! How came you to
this?
BORACHIO
Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking
a musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio,
hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind
the arras; and there heard it agreed upon that
the prince should woo Hero for himself, and
having obtained her, give her to Count
Claudio.
DON JOHN
Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food
to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all
the glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way,
I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will
assist me?
CONRADE
To the death, my lord.
DON JOHN
Let us to the great supper: their cheer is
the greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were
of my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be
done?
BORACHIO
We'll wait upon your lordship.
Exeunt
ACT II
SCENE I. A hall in LEONATO'S house.
Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others
LEONATO
Was not Count John here at
supper?
ANTONIO
I saw him not.
BEATRICE
How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can
see him but I am heart-burned an hour
after.
HERO
He is of a very melancholy
disposition.
BEATRICE
He were an excellent man that were made just in
the midway between him and Benedick: the one is
too like an image and says nothing, and the other
too like my lady's eldest son, evermore
tattling.
LEONATO
Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count
John's mouth, and half Count John's melancholy in
Signior Benedick's face,--
BEATRICE
With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and
money enough in his purse, such a man would win any
woman in the world, if a' could get her
good-will.
LEONATO
By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee
a husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy
tongue.
ANTONIO
In faith, she's too curst.
BEATRICE
Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen
God's sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a
curst cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends
none.
LEONATO
So, by being too curst, God will send you no
horns.
BEATRICE
Just, if he send me no husband; for the
which blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning
and evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with
a beard on his face: I had rather lie in the
woollen.
LEONATO
You may light on a husband that hath no
beard.
BEATRICE
What should I do with him? dress him in my
apparel and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that
hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath
no beard is less than a man: and he that is more
than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than
a man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even
take sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead
his apes into hell.
LEONATO
Well, then, go you into hell?
BEATRICE
No, but to the gate; and there will the devil
meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head,
and say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you
to heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so
deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for
the heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit,
and there live we as merry as the day is
long.
ANTONIO
[To HERO] Well, niece, I trust you will be
ruled by your father.
BEATRICE
Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make
curtsy and say 'Father, as it please you.' But yet for
all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or
else make another curtsy and say 'Father, as it
please me.'
LEONATO
Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with
a husband.
BEATRICE
Not till God make men of some other metal
than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren; and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my
kindred.
LEONATO
Daughter, remember what I told you: if the
prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your
answer.
BEATRICE
The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you
be not wooed in good time: if the prince be
too important, tell him there is measure in every
thing and so dance out the answer. For, hear me,
Hero: wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch
jig, a measure, and a cinque pace: the first suit is
hot and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes repentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his
grave.
LEONATO
Cousin, you apprehend passing
shrewdly.
BEATRICE
I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by
daylight.
LEONATO
The revellers are entering, brother: make good
room.
All put on their masks
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR, DON JOHN, BORACHIO,
MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked
DON
PEDRO
Lady, will you walk about with your
friend?
HERO
So you walk softly and look sweetly and say
nothing, I am yours for the walk; and especially when I
walk away.
DON PEDRO
With me in your company?
HERO
I may say so, when I please.
DON PEDRO
And when please you to say so?
HERO
When I like your favour; for God defend the
lute should be like the case!
DON PEDRO
My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is
Jove.
HERO
Why, then, your visor should be
thatched.
DON PEDRO
Speak low, if you speak love.
Drawing her aside
BALTHASAR
Well, I would you did like me.
MARGARET
So would not I, for your own sake; for I have
many ill-qualities.
BALTHASAR
Which is one?
MARGARET
I say my prayers aloud.
BALTHASAR
I love you the better: the hearers may cry,
Amen.
MARGARET
God match me with a good
dancer!
BALTHASAR
Amen.
MARGARET
And God keep him out of my sight when the dance
is done! Answer, clerk.
BALTHASAR
No more words: the clerk is
answered.
URSULA
I know you well enough; you are Signior
Antonio.
ANTONIO
At a word, I am not.
URSULA
I know you by the waggling of your
head.
ANTONIO
To tell you true, I counterfeit
him.
URSULA
You could never do him so ill-well, unless you
were the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down:
you are he, you are he.
ANTONIO
At a word, I am not.
URSULA
Come, come, do you think I do not know you by
your excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? Go
to, mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's
an end.
BEATRICE
Will you not tell me who told you
so?
BENEDICK
No, you shall pardon me.
BEATRICE
Nor will you not tell me who you
are?
BENEDICK
Not now.
BEATRICE
That I was disdainful, and that I had my good
wit out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales:'--well this
was Signior Benedick that said so.
BENEDICK
What's he?
BEATRICE
I am sure you know him well
enough.
BENEDICK
Not I, believe me.
BEATRICE
Did he never make you laugh?
BENEDICK
I pray you, what is he?
BEATRICE
Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull
fool; only his gift is in devising impossible
slanders: none but libertines delight in him; and
the commendation is not in his wit, but in his
villany; for he both pleases men and angers them, and
then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is
in the fleet: I would he had boarded
me.
BENEDICK
When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you
say.
BEATRICE
Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on
me; which, peradventure not marked or not laughed
at, strikes him into melancholy; and then there's
a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat
no supper that night.
Music We must follow the
leaders.
BENEDICK
In every good thing.
BEATRICE
Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them
at the next turning.
Dance. Then exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO, and
CLAUDIO
DON JOHN
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and
hath withdrawn her father to break with him about
it. The ladies follow her and but one visor
remains.
BORACHIO
And that is Claudio: I know him by his
bearing.
DON JOHN
Are not you Signior Benedick?
CLAUDIO
You know me well; I am he.
DON JOHN
Signior, you are very near my brother in his
love: he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade
him from her: she is no equal for his birth: you
may do the part of an honest man in
it.
CLAUDIO
How know you he loves her?
DON JOHN
I heard him swear his
affection.
BORACHIO
So did I too; and he swore he would marry her
to-night.
DON JOHN
Come, let us to the banquet.
Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO
CLAUDIO
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick, But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. 'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love: Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues; Let every eye negotiate for itself And
trust no agent; for beauty is a witch Against whose
charms faith melteth into blood. This is an accident of
hourly proof, Which I mistrusted not. Farewell,
therefore, Hero!
Re-enter BENEDICK
BENEDICK
Count Claudio?
CLAUDIO
Yea, the same.
BENEDICK
Come, will you go with me?
CLAUDIO
Whither?
BENEDICK
Even to the next willow, about your own
business, county. What fashion will you wear the
garland of? about your neck, like an usurer's chain? or
under your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must
wear it one way, for the prince hath got your
Hero.
CLAUDIO
I wish him joy of her.
BENEDICK
Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so
they sell bullocks. But did you think the prince
would have served you thus?
CLAUDIO
I pray you, leave me.
BENEDICK
Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas
the boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the
post.
CLAUDIO
If it will not be, I'll leave you.
Exit
BENEDICK
Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into
sedges. But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and
not know me! The prince's fool! Ha? It may be I
go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so
I am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed:
it is the base, though bitter, disposition of
Beatrice that puts the world into her person and so
gives me out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.
Re-enter DON PEDRO
DON
PEDRO
Now, signior, where's the count? did you see
him?
BENEDICK
Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady
Fame. I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in
a warren: I told him, and I think I told him
true, that your grace had got the good will of this
young lady; and I offered him my company to a
willow-tree, either to make him a garland, as being
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to
be whipped.
DON PEDRO
To be whipped! What's his
fault?
BENEDICK
The flat transgression of a schoolboy, who,
being overjoyed with finding a birds' nest, shows it
his companion, and he steals it.
DON PEDRO
Wilt thou make a trust a transgression?
The transgression is in the
stealer.
BENEDICK
Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been
made, and the garland too; for the garland he might
have worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed
on you, who, as I take it, have stolen his birds'
nest.
DON PEDRO
I will but teach them to sing, and restore them
to the owner.
BENEDICK
If their singing answer your saying, by my
faith, you say honestly.
DON PEDRO
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you:
the gentleman that danced with her told her she is
much wronged by you.
BENEDICK
O, she misused me past the endurance of a
block! an oak but with one green leaf on it would
have answered her; my very visor began to assume life
and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had
been myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I
was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon
jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I
stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting
at me. She speaks poniards, and every word
stabs: if her breath were as terrible as her
terminations, there were no living near her; she would
infect to the north star. I would not marry her, though
she were endowed with all that Adam bad left him
before he transgressed: she would have made Hercules
have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to
make the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall
find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to
God some scholar would conjure her; for certainly,
while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as
in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because
they would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet,
horror and perturbation follows
her.
DON PEDRO
Look, here she comes.
Enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONATO
BENEDICK
Will your grace command me any service to
the world's end? I will go on the slightest errand
now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me
on; I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from
the furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length
of Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the
great Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the
Pigmies, rather than hold three words' conference with
this harpy. You have no employment for
me?
DON PEDRO
None, but to desire your good
company.
BENEDICK
O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I
cannot endure my Lady Tongue.
Exit
DON PEDRO
Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart
of Signior Benedick.
BEATRICE
Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I
gave him use for it, a double heart for his single
one: marry, once before he won it of me with false
dice, therefore your grace may well say I have lost
it.
DON PEDRO
You have put him down, lady, you have put him
down.
BEATRICE
So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest
I should prove the mother of fools. I have
brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to
seek.
DON PEDRO
Why, how now, count! wherefore are you
sad?
CLAUDIO
Not sad, my lord.
DON PEDRO
How then? sick?
CLAUDIO
Neither, my lord.
BEATRICE
The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry,
nor well; but civil count, civil as an orange,
and something of that jealous
complexion.
DON PEDRO
I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be
true; though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit
is false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name,
and fair Hero is won: I have broke with her
father, and his good will obtained: name the day
of marriage, and God give thee
joy!
LEONATO
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her
my fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and
an grace say Amen to it.
BEATRICE
Speak, count, 'tis your cue.
CLAUDIO
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I
were but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady,
as you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself
for you and dote upon the
exchange.
BEATRICE
Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his
mouth with a kiss, and let not him speak
neither.
DON PEDRO
In faith, lady, you have a merry
heart.
BEATRICE
Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps
on the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in
his ear that he is in her heart.
CLAUDIO
And so she doth, cousin.
BEATRICE
Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to
the world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in
a corner and cry heigh-ho for a
husband!
DON PEDRO
Lady Beatrice, I will get you
one.
BEATRICE
I would rather have one of your father's
getting. Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you?
Your father got excellent husbands, if a maid could
come by them.
DON PEDRO
Will you have me, lady?
BEATRICE
No, my lord, unless I might have another
for working-days: your grace is too costly to
wear every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me:
I was born to speak all mirth and no
matter.
DON PEDRO
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry
best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born
in a merry hour.
BEATRICE
No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then
there was a star danced, and under that was I
born. Cousins, God give you joy!
LEONATO
Niece, will you look to those things I told you
of?
BEATRICE
I cry you mercy, uncle. By your grace's
pardon.
Exit
DON PEDRO
By my troth, a pleasant-spirited
lady.
LEONATO
There's little of the melancholy element in her,
my lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps,
and not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter
say, she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and
waked herself with laughing.
DON PEDRO
She cannot endure to hear tell of a
husband.
LEONATO
O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of
suit.
DON PEDRO
She were an excellent wife for
Benedict.
LEONATO
O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week
married, they would talk themselves
mad.
DON PEDRO
County Claudio, when mean you to go to
church?
CLAUDIO
To-morrow, my lord: time goes on crutches till
love have all his rites.
LEONATO
Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a
just seven-night; and a time too brief, too, to have
all things answer my mind.
DON PEDRO
Come, you shake the head at so long a
breathing: but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall
not go dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one
of Hercules' labours; which is, to bring
Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain
of affection the one with the other. I would fain
have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it,
if you three will but minister such assistance as
I shall give you direction.
LEONATO
My lord, I am for you, though it cost me
ten nights' watchings.
CLAUDIO
And I, my lord.
DON PEDRO
And you too, gentle Hero?
HERO
I will do any modest office, my lord, to help
my cousin to a good husband.
DON PEDRO
And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband
that I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a
noble strain, of approved valour and confirmed honesty.
I will teach you how to humour your cousin, that
she shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with
your two helps, will so practise on Benedick that,
in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach,
he shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do
this, Cupid is no longer an archer: hi s glory shall
be ours, for we are the only love-gods. Go in with
me, and I will tell you my drift.
Exeunt
SCENE II. The same.
Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO
DON JOHN
It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry
the daughter of Leonato.
BORACHIO
Yea, my lord; but I can cross
it.
DON JOHN
Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this
marriage?
BORACHIO
Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that
no dishonesty shall appear in me.
DON JOHN
Show me briefly how.
BORACHIO
I think I told your lordship a year since, how
much I am in the favour of Margaret, the
waiting gentlewoman to Hero.
DON JOHN
I remember.
BORACHIO
I can, at any unseasonable instant of the
night, appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber
window.
DON JOHN
What life is in that, to be the death of this
marriage?
BORACHIO
The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you
to the prince your brother; spare not to tell him
that he hath wronged his honour in marrying the
renowned Claudio--whose estimation do you mightily
hold up--to a contaminated stale, such a one as
Hero.
DON JOHN
What proof shall I make of
that?
BORACHIO
Proof enough to misuse the prince, to vex
Claudio, to undo Hero and kill Leonato. Look you for
any other issue?
DON JOHN
Only to despite them, I will endeavour any
thing.
BORACHIO
Go, then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro
and the Count Claudio alone: tell them that you
know that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to
the prince and Claudio, as,--in love of your
brother's honour, who hath made this match, and his
friend's reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with
the semblance of a maid,--that you have
discovered thus. They will scarcely believe this without
trial: offer them instances; which shall bear no
less likelihood than to see me at her
chamber-window, hear me call Margaret Hero, hear
Margaret term me Claudio; and bring them to see this the
very night before the intended wedding,--for in the
meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall
be absent,--and there shall appear such seeming
truth of Hero's disloyalty that jealousy shall be
called assurance and all the preparation
overthrown.
DON JOHN
Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will
put it in practise. Be cunning in the working this,
and thy fee is a thousand ducats.
BORACHIO
Be you constant in the accusation, and my
cunning shall not shame me.
DON JOHN
I will presently go learn their day of
marriage.
Exeunt
SCENE III. LEONATO'S orchard.
Enter BENEDICK
BENEDICK
Boy!
Enter Boy
Boy
Signior?
BENEDICK
In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it
hither to me in the orchard.
Boy
I am here already, sir.
BENEDICK
I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here
again.
Exit Boy I do much wonder that one man, seeing how
much another man is a fool when he dedicates
his behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed
at such shallow follies in others, become the
argument of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a
man is Claudio. I have known when there was no
music with him but the drum and the fife; and now had
he rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have
known when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see
a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights
awake, carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont
to speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest
man and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography;
his words are a very fantastical banquet, just so
many strange dishes. May I be so converted and see
with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will
not be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster;
but I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an
oyster of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One
woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I
am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till
all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come
in my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain;
wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen
her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come
not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of
good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair
shall be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince
and Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour.
Withdraws
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO
DON PEDRO
Come, shall we hear this
music?
CLAUDIO
Yea, my good lord. How still the evening
is, As hush'd on purpose to grace
harmony!
DON PEDRO
See you where Benedick hath hid
himself?
CLAUDIO
O, very well, my lord: the music ended, We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.
Enter BALTHASAR with Music
DON
PEDRO
Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song
again.
BALTHASAR
O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice To slander music any more than once.
DON PEDRO
It is the witness still of excellency To put a strange face on his own perfection. I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.
BALTHASAR
Because you talk of wooing, I will sing; Since many a wooer doth commence his suit To
her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes, Yet will he
swear he loves.
DON PEDRO
Now, pray thee, come; Or, if
thou wilt hold longer argument, Do it in
notes.
BALTHASAR
Note this before my notes; There's not a note of mine that's worth the
noting.
DON PEDRO
Why, these are very crotchets that he
speaks; Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing.
Air
BENEDICK
Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is
it not strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls
out of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money,
when all's done.
The Song
BALTHASAR
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and
one on shore, To one thing constant never: Then sigh not so, but let them go, And be
you blithe and bonny, Converting all your sounds of
woe Into Hey nonny, nonny. Sing no
more ditties, sing no moe, Of dumps so dull and
heavy; The fraud of men was ever so, Since summer first was leafy: Then sigh not
so, & c.
DON PEDRO
By my troth, a good song.
BALTHASAR
And an ill singer, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a
shift.
BENEDICK
An he had been a dog that should have howled
thus, they would have hanged him: and I pray God his
bad voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard
the night-raven, come what plague could have come
after it.
DON
PEDRO
Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray
thee, get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night
we would have it at the Lady Hero's
chamber-window.
BALTHASAR
The best I can, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Do so: farewell.
Exit BALTHASAR Come hither, Leonato. What was it
you told me of to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in
love with Signior Benedick?
CLAUDIO
O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I
did never think that lady would have loved any
man.
LEONATO
No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that
she should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath
in all outward behaviors seemed ever to
abhor.
BENEDICK
Is't possible? Sits the wind in that
corner?
LEONATO
By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to
think of it but that she loves him with an
enraged affection: it is past the infinite of
thought.
DON PEDRO
May be she doth but
counterfeit.
CLAUDIO
Faith, like enough.
LEONATO
O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit
of passion came so near the life of passion as
she discovers it.
DON PEDRO
Why, what effects of passion shows
she?
CLAUDIO
Bait the hook well; this fish will
bite.
LEONATO
What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you
heard my daughter tell you how.
CLAUDIO
She did, indeed.
DON PEDRO
How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have
I thought her spirit had been invincible against
all assaults of affection.
LEONATO
I would have sworn it had, my lord;
especially against Benedick.
BENEDICK
I should think this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in such reverence.
CLAUDIO
He hath ta'en the infection: hold it
up.
DON PEDRO
Hath she made her affection known to
Benedick?
LEONATO
No; and swears she never will: that's her
torment.
CLAUDIO
'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says:
'Shall I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered
him with scorn, write to him that I love
him?'
LEONATO
This says she now when she is beginning to write
to him; for she'll be up twenty times a night,
and there will she sit in her smock till she have writ
a sheet of paper: my daughter tells us
all.
CLAUDIO
Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember
a pretty jest your daughter told us
of.
LEONATO
O, when she had writ it and was reading it over,
she found Benedick and Beatrice between the
sheet?
CLAUDIO
That.
LEONATO
O, she tore the letter into a thousand
halfpence; railed at herself, that she should be so
immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her;
'I measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for
I should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though
I love him, I should.'
CLAUDIO
Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps,
sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses;
'O sweet Benedick! God give me
patience!'
LEONATO
She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and
the ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my
daughter is sometime afeared she will do a desperate
outrage to herself: it is very
true.
DON PEDRO
It were good that Benedick knew of it by
some other, if she will not discover
it.
CLAUDIO
To what end? He would make but a sport of it
and torment the poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO
An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's
an excellent sweet lady; and, out of all
suspicion, she is virtuous.
CLAUDIO
And she is exceeding wise.
DON PEDRO
In every thing but in loving
Benedick.
LEONATO
O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so
tender a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood
hath the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have
just cause, being her uncle and her
guardian.
DON PEDRO
I would she had bestowed this dotage on me: I
would have daffed all other respects and made her
half myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and
hear what a' will say.
LEONATO
Were it good, think you?
CLAUDIO
Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says
she will die, if he love her not, and she will die,
ere she make her love known, and she will die, if he
woo her, rather than she will bate one breath of
her accustomed crossness.
DON PEDRO
She doth well: if she should make tender of
her love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for
the man, as you know all, hath a contemptible
spirit.
CLAUDIO
He is a very proper man.
DON PEDRO
He hath indeed a good outward
happiness.
CLAUDIO
Before God! and, in my mind, very
wise.
DON PEDRO
He doth indeed show some sparks that are like
wit.
CLAUDIO
And I take him to be valiant.
DON PEDRO
As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing
of quarrels you may say he is wise; for either
he avoids them with great discretion, or
undertakes them with a most Christian-like
fear.
LEONATO
If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep
peace: if he break the peace, he ought to enter into
a quarrel with fear and trembling.
DON PEDRO
And so will he do; for the man doth fear
God, howsoever it seems not in him by some large
jests he will make. Well I am sorry for your niece.
Shall we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her
love?
CLAUDIO
Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out
with good counsel.
LEONATO
Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out
first.
DON PEDRO
Well, we will hear further of it by your
daughter: let it cool the while. I love Benedick well;
and I could wish he would modestly examine himself, to
see how much he is unworthy so good a
lady.
LEONATO
My lord, will you walk? dinner is
ready.
CLAUDIO
If he do not dote on her upon this, I will
never trust my expectation.
DON PEDRO
Let there be the same net spread for her; and
that must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry.
The sport will be, when they hold one an opinion
of another's dotage, and no such matter: that's
the scene that I would see, which will be merely
a dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to
dinner.
Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO
BENEDICK
[Coming forward] This can be no trick:
the conference was sadly borne. They have the truth
of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady:
it seems her affections have their full bent. Love
me! why, it must be requited. I hear how I am
censured: they say I will bear myself proudly, if I
perceive the love come from her; they say too that she
will rather die than give any sign of affection. I
did never think to marry: I must not seem proud:
happy are they that hear their detractions and can
put them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis
a truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous;
'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for
loving me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit,
nor no great argument of her folly, for I will
be horribly in love with her. I may chance have
some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on
me, because I have railed so long against marriage:
but doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the
meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his
age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets
of the brain awe a man from the career of his
humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I
would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live
till I were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this
day! she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love
in her.
Enter BEATRICE
BEATRICE
Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to
dinner.
BENEDICK
Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your
pains.
BEATRICE
I took no more pains for those thanks than you
take pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I
would not have come.
BENEDICK
You take pleasure then in the
message?
BEATRICE
Yea, just so much as you may take upon a
knife's point and choke a daw withal. You have no
stomach, signior: fare you well.
Exit
BENEDICK
Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come
in to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I
took no more pains for those thanks than you took
pains to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any
pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I
do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do
not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her
picture.
Exit
ACT III
SCENE I. LEONATO'S garden.
Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA
HERO
Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor; There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice Proposing with the prince and Claudio: Whisper
her ear and tell her, I and Ursula Walk in the orchard
and our whole discourse Is all of her; say that thou
overheard'st us; And bid her steal into the pleached
bower, Where honeysuckles, ripen'd by the sun, Forbid the sun to enter, like favourites, Made proud by princes, that advance their pride Against that power that bred it: there will she hide
her, To listen our purpose. This is thy
office; Bear thee well in it and leave us
alone.
MARGARET
I'll make her come, I warrant you,
presently.
Exit
HERO
Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, As we do trace this alley up and down, Our
talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let
it be thy part To praise him more than ever man did
merit: My talk to thee must be how Benedick Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made, That
only wounds by hearsay.
Enter BEATRICE, behind Now begin; For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs Close by the ground, to hear our conference.
URSULA
The pleasant'st angling is to see the
fish Cut with her golden oars the silver
stream, And greedily devour the treacherous
bait: So angle we for Beatrice; who even now Is couched in the woodbine coverture. Fear
you not my part of the dialogue.
HERO
Then go we near her, that her ear lose
nothing Of the false sweet bait that we lay for
it.
Approaching the bower No, truly, Ursula, she is
too disdainful; I know her spirits are as coy and
wild As haggerds of the rock.
URSULA
But are you sure That
Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO
So says the prince and my new-trothed
lord.
URSULA
And did they bid you tell her of it,
madam?
HERO
They did entreat me to acquaint her of
it; But I persuaded them, if they loved
Benedick, To wish him wrestle with affection, And never to let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA
Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman Deserve as full as fortunate a bed As ever
Beatrice shall couch upon?
HERO
O god of love! I know he doth deserve As much as may be yielded to a man: But
Nature never framed a woman's heart Of prouder stuff
than that of Beatrice; Disdain and scorn ride sparkling
in her eyes, Misprising what they look on, and her
wit Values itself so highly that to her All matter else seems weak: she cannot love, Nor take no shape nor project of affection, She is so self-endeared.
URSULA
Sure, I think so; And
therefore certainly it were not good She knew his love,
lest she make sport at it.
HERO
Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw
man, How wise, how noble, young, how rarely
featured, But she would spell him backward: if
fair-faced, She would swear the gentleman should be her
sister; If black, why, Nature, drawing of an
antique, Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance
ill-headed; If low, an agate very vilely cut; If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds; If silent, why, a block moved with none. So
turns she every man the wrong side out And never gives
to truth and virtue that Which simpleness and merit
purchaseth.
URSULA
Sure, sure, such carping is not
commendable.
HERO
No, not to be so odd and from all
fashions As Beatrice is, cannot be
commendable: But who dare tell her so? If I should
speak, She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh
me Out of myself, press me to death with wit. Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire, Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly: It
were a better death than die with mocks, Which is as bad
as die with tickling.
URSULA
Yet tell her of it: hear what she will
say.
HERO
No; rather I will go to Benedick And counsel him to fight against his passion. And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders To stain my cousin with: one doth not know How much an ill word may empoison liking.
URSULA
O, do not do your cousin such a wrong. She cannot be so much without true judgment-- Having so swift and excellent a wit As she
is prized to have--as to refuse So rare a gentleman as
Signior Benedick.
HERO
He is the only man of Italy. Always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA
I pray you, be not angry with me, madam, Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick, For
shape, for bearing, argument and valour, Goes foremost
in report through Italy.
HERO
Indeed, he hath an excellent good
name.
URSULA
His excellence did earn it, ere he had
it. When are you married, madam?
HERO
Why, every day, to-morrow. Come, go in: I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.
URSULA
She's limed, I warrant you: we have caught her,
madam.
HERO
If it proves so, then loving goes by
haps: Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with
traps.
Exeunt HERO and URSULA
BEATRICE
[Coming forward] What fire
is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemn'd
for pride and scorn so much? Contempt, farewell! and
maiden pride, adieu! No glory lives behind the back of
such. And, Benedick, love on; I will requite
thee, Taming my wild heart to thy loving
hand: If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite
thee To bind our loves up in a holy band; For others say thou dost deserve, and I Believe it better than reportingly.
Exit
SCENE II. A room in LEONATO'S house
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO
DON PEDRO
I do but stay till your marriage be consummate,
and then go I toward Arragon.
CLAUDIO
I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me.
DON
PEDRO
Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new
gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new
coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be
bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the
crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is
all mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
BENEDICK
Gallants, I am not as I have
been.
LEONATO
So say I methinks you are
sadder.
CLAUDIO
I hope he be in love.
DON PEDRO
Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood
in him, to be truly touched with love: if he be
sad, he wants money.
BENEDICK
I have the toothache.
DON PEDRO
Draw it.
BENEDICK
Hang it!
CLAUDIO
You must hang it first, and draw it
afterwards.
DON PEDRO
What! sigh for the toothache?
LEONATO
Where is but a humour or a
worm.
BENEDICK
Well, every one can master a grief but he that
has it.
CLAUDIO
Yet say I, he is in love.
DON PEDRO
There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it
be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to
be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in
the shape of two countries at once, as, a German
from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard
from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a
fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is
no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he
is.
CLAUDIO
If he be not in love with some woman, there is
no believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o' mornings; what should that bode?
DON PEDRO
Hath any man seen him at the
barber's?
CLAUDIO
No, but the barber's man hath been seen with
him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath
already stuffed tennis-balls.
LEONATO
Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss
of a beard.
DON PEDRO
Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell
him out by that?
CLAUDIO
That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in
love.
DON PEDRO
The greatest note of it is his
melancholy.
CLAUDIO
And when was he wont to wash his
face?
DON PEDRO
Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I
hear what they say of him.
CLAUDIO
Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept
into a lute-string and now governed by
stops.
DON PEDRO
Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him:
conclude, conclude he is in love.
CLAUDIO
Nay, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO
That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows
him not.
CLAUDIO
Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite
of all, dies for him.
DON PEDRO
She shall be buried with her face
upwards.
BENEDICK
Yet is this no charm for the toothache.
Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied
eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which
these hobby-horses must not hear.
Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO
DON
PEDRO
For my life, to break with him about
Beatrice.
CLAUDIO
'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by
this played their parts with Beatrice; and then the
two bears will not bite one another when they
meet.
Enter DON JOHN
DON JOHN
My lord and brother, God save
you!
DON PEDRO
Good den, brother.
DON JOHN
If your leisure served, I would speak with
you.
DON PEDRO
In private?
DON JOHN
If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear;
for what I would speak of concerns
him.
DON PEDRO
What's the matter?
DON JOHN
[To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be
married to-morrow?
DON PEDRO
You know he does.
DON JOHN
I know not that, when he knows what I
know.
CLAUDIO
If there be any impediment, I pray you discover
it.
DON JOHN
You may think I love you not: let that
appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now
will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds
you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to
effect your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent
and labour ill bestowed.
DON PEDRO
Why, what's the matter?
DON JOHN
I came hither to tell you; and,
circumstances shortened, for she has been too long a
talking of, the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO
Who, Hero?
DON PEDRO
Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's
Hero:
CLAUDIO
Disloyal?
DON
JOHN
The word is too good to paint out her wickedness;
I could say she were worse: think you of a
worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not
till further warrant: go but with me to-night, you
shall see her chamber-window entered, even the
night before her wedding-day: if you love her
then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your
honour to change your mind.
CLAUDIO
May this be so?
DON PEDRO
I will not think it.
DON JOHN
If you dare not trust that you see, confess
not that you know: if you will follow me, I will
show you enough; and when you have seen more and
heard more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO
If I see any thing to-night why I should not
marry her to-morrow in the congregation, where I
should wed, there will I shame
her.
DON PEDRO
And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will
join with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN
I will disparage her no farther till you are
my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight,
and let the issue show itself.
DON PEDRO
O day untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO
O mischief strangely
thwarting!
DON JOHN
O plague right well prevented! so will you say
when you have seen the sequel.
Exeunt
SCENE III. A street.
Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch
DOGBERRY
Are you good men and true?
VERGES
Yea, or else it were pity but they should
suffer salvation, body and soul.
DOGBERRY
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them,
if they should have any allegiance in them,
being chosen for the prince's watch.
VERGES
Well, give them their charge, neighbour
Dogberry.
DOGBERRY
First, who think you the most desertless man to
be constable?
First
Watchman
Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they
can write and read.
DOGBERRY
Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath
blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man
is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by
nature.
Second Watchman
Both which, master
constable,--
DOGBERRY
You have: I knew it would be your answer.
Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and
make no boast of it; and for your writing and
reading, let that appear when there is no need of
such vanity. You are thought here to be the
most senseless and fit man for the constable of
the watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is
your charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you
are to bid any man stand, in the prince's
name.
Second Watchman
How if a' will not stand?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go;
and presently call the rest of the watch together
and thank God you are rid of a
knave.
VERGES
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is
none of the prince's subjects.
DOGBERRY
True, and they are to meddle with none but
the prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise
in the streets; for, for the watch to babble and
to talk is most tolerable and not to be
endured.
Watchman
We will rather sleep than talk: we know
what belongs to a watch.
DOGBERRY
Why, you speak like an ancient and most
quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping
should offend: only, have a care that your bills be
not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to
bed.
Watchman
How if they will not?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, let them alone till they are sober:
if they make you not then the better answer, you
may say they are not the men you took them
for.
Watchman
Well, sir.
DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by
virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for
such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with
them, why the more is for your
honesty.
Watchman
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not
lay hands on him?
DOGBERRY
Truly, by your office, you may; but I think
they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most
peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let
him show himself what he is and steal out of your
company.
VERGES
You have been always called a merciful man,
partner.
DOGBERRY
Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much
more a man who hath any honesty in
him.
VERGES
If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse and bid her still
it.
Watchman
How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear
us?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child
wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear
her lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he
bleats.
VERGES
'Tis very true.
DOGBERRY
This is the end of the charge:--you, constable,
are to present the prince's own person: if you meet
the prince in the night, you may stay
him.
VERGES
Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a'
cannot.
DOGBERRY
Five shillings to one on't, with any man that
knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not
without the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch
ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay
a man against his will.
VERGES
By'r lady, I think it be so.
DOGBERRY
Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there
be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep
your fellows' counsels and your own; and good
night. Come, neighbour.
Watchman
Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit
here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to
bed.
DOGBERRY
One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you
watch about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding
being there to-morrow, there is a great coil
to-night. Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE
BORACHIO
What Conrade!
Watchman
[Aside] Peace! stir not.
BORACHIO
Conrade, I say!
CONRADE
Here, man; I am at thy elbow.
BORACHIO
Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would
a scab follow.
CONRADE
I will owe thee an answer for that: and now
forward with thy tale.
BORACHIO
Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house,
for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true
drunkard, utter all to thee.
Watchman
[Aside] Some treason, masters: yet stand
close.
BORACHIO
Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand
ducats.
CONRADE
Is it possible that any villany should be so
dear?
BORACHIO
Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible
any villany should be so rich; for when rich
villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make
what price they will.
CONRADE
I wonder at it.
BORACHIO
That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest
that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak,
is nothing to a man.
CONRADE
Yes, it is apparel.
BORACHIO
I mean, the fashion.
CONRADE
Yes, the fashion is the
fashion.
BORACHIO
Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool.
But seest thou not what a deformed thief this
fashion is?
Watchman
[Aside] I know that Deformed; a' has been a
vile thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like
a gentleman: I remember his name.
BORACHIO
Didst thou not hear somebody?
CONRADE
No; 'twas the vane on the
house.
BORACHIO
Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief
this fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the
hot bloods between fourteen and
five-and-thirty? sometimes fashioning them like
Pharaoh's soldiers in the reeky painting, sometime like
god Bel's priests in the old church-window, sometime
like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten
tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his
club?
CONRADE
All this I see; and I see that the fashion
wears out more apparel than the man. But art not
thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou
hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the
fashion?
BORACHIO
Not so, neither: but know that I have
to-night wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman,
by the name of Hero: she leans me out at her
mistress' chamber-window, bids me a thousand times
good night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should
first tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my
master, planted and placed and possessed by my master
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
encounter.
CONRADE
And thought they Margaret was
Hero?
BORACHIO
Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but
the devil my master knew she was Margaret; and
partly by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly
by the dark night, which did deceive them, but
chiefly by my villany, which did confirm any slander
that Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged;
swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next
morning at the temple, and there, before the
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er
night and send her home again without a
husband.
First Watchman
We charge you, in the prince's name,
stand!
Second Watchman
Call up the right master constable. We have
here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery
that ever was known in the
commonwealth.
First Watchman
And one Deformed is one of them: I know him;
a' wears a lock.
CONRADE
Masters, masters,--
Second Watchman
You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant
you.
CONRADE
Masters,--
First Watchman
Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go
with us.
BORACHIO
We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being
taken up of these men's bills.
CONRADE
A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come,
we'll obey you.
Exeunt
SCENE IV. HERO's apartment.
Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA
HERO
Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and
desire her to rise.
URSULA
I will, lady.
HERO
And bid her come hither.
URSULA
Well.
Exit
MARGARET
Troth, I think your other rabato were
better.
HERO
No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear
this.
MARGARET
By my troth, 's not so good; and I warrant
your cousin will say so.
HERO
My cousin's a fool, and thou art another: I'll
wear none but this.
MARGARET
I like the new tire within excellently, if the
hair were a thought browner; and your gown's a most
rare fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of
Milan's gown that they praise so.
HERO
O, that exceeds, they say.
MARGARET
By my troth, 's but a night-gown in respect
of yours: cloth o' gold, and cuts, and laced
with silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side
sleeves, and skirts, round underborne with a bluish
tinsel: but for a fine, quaint, graceful and
excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on
't.
HERO
God give me joy to wear it! for my heart
is exceeding heavy.
MARGARET
'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a
man.
HERO
Fie upon thee! art not
ashamed?
MARGARET
Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is
not marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your
lord honourable without marriage? I think you would
have me say, 'saving your reverence, a husband:' and
bad thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll
offend nobody: is there any harm in 'the heavier for
a husband'? None, I think, and it be the right
husband and the right wife; otherwise 'tis light, and
not heavy: ask my Lady Beatrice else; here she
comes.
Enter BEATRICE
HERO
Good morrow, coz.
BEATRICE
Good morrow, sweet Hero.
HERO
Why how now? do you speak in the sick
tune?
BEATRICE
I am out of all other tune,
methinks.
MARGARET
Clap's into 'Light o' love;' that goes without
a burden: do you sing it, and I'll dance
it.
BEATRICE
Ye light o' love, with your heels! then, if
your husband have stables enough, you'll see he
shall lack no barns.
MARGARET
O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my
heels.
BEATRICE
'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; tis time you
were ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill:
heigh-ho!
MARGARET
For a hawk, a horse, or a
husband?
BEATRICE
For the letter that begins them all,
H.
MARGARET
Well, and you be not turned Turk, there's no
more sailing by the star.
BEATRICE
What means the fool, trow?
MARGARET
Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's
desire!
HERO
These gloves the count sent me; they are
an excellent perfume.
BEATRICE
I am stuffed, cousin; I cannot
smell.
MARGARET
A maid, and stuffed! there's goodly catching of
cold.
BEATRICE
O, God help me! God help me! how long have
you professed apprehension?
MARGARET
Even since you left it. Doth not my wit become me
rarely?
BEATRICE
It is not seen enough, you should wear it in
your cap. By my troth, I am sick.
MARGARET
Get you some of this distilled Carduus
Benedictus, and lay it to your heart: it is the only
thing for a qualm.
HERO
There thou prickest her with a
thistle.
BEATRICE
Benedictus! why Benedictus? you have some moral
in this Benedictus.
MARGARET
Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning;
I meant, plain holy-thistle. You may think
perchance that I think you are in love: nay, by'r lady,
I am not such a fool to think what I list, nor I
list not to think what I can, nor indeed I cannot
think, if I would think my heart out of thinking, that
you are in love or that you will be in love or that
you can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another,
and now is he become a man: he swore he would
never marry, and yet now, in despite of his heart, he
eats his meat without grudging: and how you may
be converted I know not, but methinks you look
with your eyes as other women do.
BEATRICE
What pace is this that thy tongue
keeps?
MARGARET
Not a false gallop.
Re-enter URSULA
URSULA
Madam, withdraw: the prince, the count,
Signior Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of
the town, are come to fetch you to
church.
HERO
Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good
Ursula.
Exeunt
SCENE V. Another room in LEONATO'S house.
Enter LEONATO, with DOGBERRY and VERGES
LEONATO
What would you with me, honest
neighbour?
DOGBERRY
Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with
you that decerns you nearly.
LEONATO
Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time
with me.
DOGBERRY
Marry, this it is, sir.
VERGES
Yes, in truth it is, sir.
LEONATO
What is it, my good friends?
DOGBERRY
Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off
the matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not
so blunt as, God help, I would desire they were;
but, in faith, honest as the skin between his
brows.
VERGES
Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man
living that is an old man and no honester than
I.
DOGBERRY
Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour
Verges.
LEONATO
Neighbours, you are tedious.
DOGBERRY
It pleases your worship to say so, but we are
the poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own
part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it
in my heart to bestow it all of your
worship.
LEONATO
All thy tediousness on me, ah?
DOGBERRY
Yea, an 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis;
for I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of
any man in the city; and though I be but a poor man,
I am glad to hear it.
VERGES
And so am I.
LEONATO
I would fain know what you have to
say.
VERGES
Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting
your worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as
arrant knaves as any in Messina.
DOGBERRY
A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as
they say, when the age is in, the wit is out: God
help us! it is a world to see. Well said, i'
faith, neighbour Verges: well, God's a good man; an two
men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An
honest soul, i' faith, sir; by my troth he is, as
ever broke bread; but God is to be worshipped; all
men are not alike; alas, good
neighbour!
LEONATO
Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of
you.
DOGBERRY
Gifts that God gives.
LEONATO
I must leave you.
DOGBERRY
One word, sir: our watch, sir, have
indeed comprehended two aspicious persons, and we
would have them this morning examined before your
worship.
LEONATO
Take their examination yourself and bring it me:
I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto
you.
DOGBERRY
It shall be suffigance.
LEONATO
Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well.
Enter a Messenger
Messenger
My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter
to her husband.
LEONATO
I'll wait upon them: I am ready.
Exeunt LEONATO and Messenger
DOGBERRY
Go, good partner, go, get you to Francis
Seacole; bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol:
we are now to examination these
men.
VERGES
And we must do it wisely.
DOGBERRY
We will spare for no wit, I warrant you;
here's that shall drive some of them to a non-come:
only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication and meet me at the gaol.
Exeunt
ACT IV
SCENE I. A church.
Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR FRANCIS, CLAUDIO,
BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants
LEONATO
Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the
plain form of marriage, and you shall recount
their particular duties afterwards.
FRIAR FRANCIS
You come hither, my lord, to marry this
lady.
CLAUDIO
No.
LEONATO
To be married to her: friar, you come to marry
her.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Lady, you come hither to be married to this
count.
HERO
I do.
FRIAR
FRANCIS
If either of you know any inward impediment why
you should not be conjoined, charge you, on your
souls, to utter it.
CLAUDIO
Know you any, Hero?
HERO
None, my lord.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Know you any, count?
LEONATO
I dare make his answer, none.
CLAUDIO
O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men
daily do, not knowing what they do!
BENEDICK
How now! interjections? Why, then, some be
of laughing, as, ah, ha, he!
CLAUDIO
Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your
leave: Will you with free and unconstrained
soul Give me this maid, your
daughter?
LEONATO
As freely, son, as God did give her
me.
CLAUDIO
And what have I to give you back, whose
worth May counterpoise this rich and precious
gift?
DON PEDRO
Nothing, unless you render her
again.
CLAUDIO
Sweet prince, you learn me noble
thankfulness. There, Leonato, take her back
again: Give not this rotten orange to your
friend; She's but the sign and semblance of her
honour. Behold how like a maid she blushes
here! O, what authority and show of truth Can cunning sin cover itself withal! Comes
not that blood as modest evidence To witness simple
virtue? Would you not swear, All you that see her, that
she were a maid, By these exterior shows? But she is
none: She knows the heat of a luxurious bed; Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
LEONATO
What do you mean, my lord?
CLAUDIO
Not to be married, Not to
knit my soul to an approved wanton.
LEONATO
Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof, Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth, And made defeat of her virginity,--
CLAUDIO
I know what you would say: if I have known
her, You will say she did embrace me as a
husband, And so extenuate the 'forehand sin: No, Leonato, I never tempted her with word
too large; But, as a brother to his sister,
show'd Bashful sincerity and comely
love.
HERO
And seem'd I ever otherwise to
you?
CLAUDIO
Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against
it: You seem to me as Dian in her orb, As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown; But
you are more intemperate in your blood Than Venus, or
those pamper'd animals That rage in savage
sensuality.
HERO
Is my lord well, that he doth speak so
wide?
LEONATO
Sweet prince, why speak not
you?
DON PEDRO
What should I speak? I stand
dishonour'd, that have gone about To link my dear friend
to a common stale.
LEONATO
Are these things spoken, or do I but
dream?
DON JOHN
Sir, they are spoken, and these things are
true.
BENEDICK
This looks not like a nuptial.
HERO
True! O God!
CLAUDIO
Leonato, stand I here? Is
this the prince? is this the prince's brother? Is this
face Hero's? are our eyes our own?
LEONATO
All this is so: but what of this, my
lord?
CLAUDIO
Let me but move one question to your
daughter; And, by that fatherly and kindly
power That you have in her, bid her answer
truly.
LEONATO
I charge thee do so, as thou art my
child.
HERO
O, God defend me! how am I beset! What kind of catechising call you this?
CLAUDIO
To make you answer truly to your
name.
HERO
Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name With any just reproach?
CLAUDIO
Marry, that can Hero; Hero
itself can blot out Hero's virtue. What man was he
talk'd with you yesternight Out at your window betwixt
twelve and one? Now, if you are a maid, answer to
this.
HERO
I talk'd with no man at that hour, my
lord.
DON PEDRO
Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato, I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour, Myself, my brother and this grieved count Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain, Confess'd the vile encounters they have had A thousand times in secret.
DON JOHN
Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my
lord, Not to be spoke of; There is
not chastity enough in language Without offence to utter
them. Thus, pretty lady, I am sorry for thy much
misgovernment.
CLAUDIO
O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been, If half thy outward graces had been placed About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart! But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell, Thou pure impiety and impious purity! For
thee I'll lock up all the gates of love, And on my
eyelids shall conjecture hang, To turn all beauty into
thoughts of harm, And never shall it more be
gracious.
LEONATO
Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
HERO swoons
BEATRICE
Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you
down?
DON JOHN
Come, let us go. These things, come thus to
light, Smother her spirits up.
Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO
BENEDICK
How doth the lady?
BEATRICE
Dead, I think. Help, uncle! Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick!
Friar!
LEONATO
O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand. Death is the fairest cover for her shame That may be wish'd for.
BEATRICE
How now, cousin Hero!
FRIAR FRANCIS
Have comfort, lady.
LEONATO
Dost thou look up?
FRIAR FRANCIS
Yea, wherefore should she
not?
LEONATO
Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly
thing Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny The story that is printed in her blood? Do
not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes: For, did I think
thou wouldst not quickly die, Thought I thy spirits
were stronger than thy shames, Myself would, on the
rearward of reproaches, Strike at thy life. Grieved I,
I had but one? Chid I for that at frugal nature's
frame? O, one too much by thee! Why had I
one? Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes? Why had I not with charitable hand Took up
a beggar's issue at my gates, Who smirch'd thus and
mired with infamy, I might have said 'No part of it is
mine; This shame derives itself from unknown
loins'? But mine and mine I loved and mine I
praised And mine that I was proud on, mine so
much That I myself was to myself not mine, Valuing of her,--why, she, O, she is fallen Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea Hath
drops too few to wash her clean again And salt too
little which may season give To her foul-tainted
flesh!
BENEDICK
Sir, sir, be patient. For
my part, I am so attired in wonder, I know not what to
say.
BEATRICE
O, on my soul, my cousin is
belied!
BENEDICK
Lady, were you her bedfellow last
night?
BEATRICE
No, truly not; although, until last
night, I have this twelvemonth been her
bedfellow.
LEONATO
Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger
made Which was before barr'd up with ribs of
iron! Would the two princes lie, and Claudio
lie, Who loved her so, that, speaking of her
foulness, Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her
die.
FRIAR FRANCIS
Hear me a little; For I
have only been silent so long And given way unto this
course of fortune. ... By noting
of the lady I have mark'd A thousand blushing
apparitions To start into her face, a thousand innocent
shames In angel whiteness beat away those
blushes; And in her eye there hath appear'd a
fire, To burn the errors that these princes
hold Against her maiden truth. Call me a
fool; Trust not my reading nor my
observations, Which with experimental seal doth
warrant The tenor of my book; trust not my
age, My reverence, calling, nor divinity, If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here Under some biting error.
LEONATO
Friar, it cannot be. Thou
seest that all the grace that she hath left Is that she
will not add to her damnation A sin of perjury; she not
denies it: Why seek'st thou then to cover with
excuse That which appears in proper
nakedness?
FRIAR FRANCIS
Lady, what man is he you are accused
of?
HERO
They know that do accuse me; I know
none: If I know more of any man alive Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant, Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father, Prove you that any man with me conversed At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight Maintain'd the change of words with any creature, Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
FRIAR FRANCIS
There is some strange misprision in the
princes.
BENEDICK
Two of them have the very bent of
honour; And if their wisdoms be misled in
this, The practise of it lives in John the
bastard, Whose spirits toil in frame of
villanies.
LEONATO
I know not. If they speak but truth of
her, These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her
honour, The proudest of them shall well hear of
it. Time hath not yet so dried this blood of
mine, Nor age so eat up my invention, Nor fortune made such havoc of my means, Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends, But they shall find, awaked in such a kind, Both strength of limb and policy of mind, Ability in means and choice of friends, To
quit me of them throughly.
FRIAR
FRANCIS
Pause awhile, And let my
counsel sway you in this case. Your daughter here the
princes left for dead: Let her awhile be secretly kept
in, And publish it that she is dead indeed; Maintain a mourning ostentation And on
your family's old monument Hang mournful epitaphs and
do all rites That appertain unto a
burial.
LEONATO
What shall become of this? what will this
do?
FRIAR FRANCIS
Marry, this well carried shall on her
behalf Change slander to remorse; that is some
good: But not for that dream I on this strange
course, But on this travail look for greater
birth. She dying, as it must so be
maintain'd, Upon the instant that she was
accused, Shall be lamented, pitied and
excused Of every hearer: for it so falls out That what we have we prize not to the worth Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost, Why, then we rack the value, then we find The virtue that possession would not show us Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio: When he shall hear she died upon his words, The idea of her life shall sweetly creep Into his study of imagination, And every
lovely organ of her life Shall come apparell'd in more
precious habit, More moving-delicate and full of
life, Into the eye and prospect of his soul, Than when she lived indeed; then shall he mourn, If ever love had interest in his liver, And wish he had not so accused her, No,
though he thought his accusation true. Let this be so,
and doubt not but success Will fashion the event in
better shape Than I can lay it down in
likelihood. But if all aim but this be levell'd
false, The supposition of the lady's death Will quench the wonder of her infamy: And
if it sort not well, you may conceal her, As best
befits her wounded reputation, In some reclusive and
religious life, Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and
injuries.
BENEDICK
Signior Leonato, let the friar advise
you: And though you know my inwardness and
love Is very much unto the prince and
Claudio, Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in
this As secretly and justly as your soul Should with your body.
LEONATO
Being that I flow in grief, The smallest twine may lead me.
FRIAR FRANCIS
'Tis well consented: presently away; For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure. Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.
Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE
BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this
while?
BEATRICE
Yea, and I will weep a while
longer.
BENEDICK
I will not desire that.
BEATRICE
You have no reason; I do it
freely.
BENEDICK
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is
wronged.
BEATRICE
Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that
would right her!
BENEDICK
Is there any way to show such
friendship?
BEATRICE
A very even way, but no such
friend.
BENEDICK
May a man do it?
BEATRICE
It is a man's office, but not
yours.
BENEDICK
I do love nothing in the world so well as you:
is not that strange?
BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were
as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well
as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not;
I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for
my cousin.
BENEDICK
By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest
me.
BEATRICE
Do not swear, and eat it.
BENEDICK
I will swear by it that you love me; and I will
make him eat it that says I love not
you.
BEATRICE
Will you not eat your word?
BENEDICK
With no sauce that can be devised to it. I
protest I love thee.
BEATRICE
Why, then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK
What offence, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE
You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about
to protest I loved you.
BENEDICK
And do it with all thy heart.
BEATRICE
I love you with so much of my heart that none
is left to protest.
BENEDICK
Come, bid me do any thing for
thee.
BEATRICE
Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK
Ha! not for the wide world.
BEATRICE
You kill me to deny it.
Farewell.
BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE
I am gone, though I am here: there is no love
in you: nay, I pray you, let me
go.
BENEDICK
Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
In faith, I will go.
BENEDICK
We'll be friends first.
BEATRICE
You dare easier be friends with me than fight with
mine enemy.
BENEDICK
Is Claudio thine enemy?
BEATRICE
Is he not approved in the height a villain,
that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman?
O that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until
they come to take hands; and then, with
public accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated
rancour, --O God, that I were a man! I would eat his
heart in the market-place.
BENEDICK
Hear me, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
Talk with a man out at a window! A proper
saying!
BENEDICK
Nay, but, Beatrice,--
BEATRICE
Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she
is undone.
BENEDICK
Beat--
BEATRICE
Princes and counties! Surely, a princely
testimony, a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet
gallant, surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or
that I had any friend would be a man for my sake!
But manhood is melted into courtesies, valour
into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue,
and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as
Hercules that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot
be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman
with grieving.
BENEDICK
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love
thee.
BEATRICE
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by
it.
BENEDICK
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath
wronged Hero?
BEATRICE
Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a
soul.
BENEDICK
Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I
will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this
hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As
you hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort
your cousin: I must say she is dead: and so,
farewell.
Exeunt
SCENE II. A prison.
Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch,
with CONRADE and BORACHIO
DOGBERRY
Is our whole dissembly
appeared?
VERGES
O, a stool and a cushion for the
sexton.
Sexton
Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY
Marry, that am I and my
partner.
VERGES
Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to
examine.
Sexton
But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master
constable.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is
your name, friend?
BORACHIO
Borachio.
DOGBERRY
Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours,
sirrah?
CONRADE
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is
Conrade.
DOGBERRY
Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters,
do you serve God?
CONRADE BORACHIO
Yea, sir, we hope.
DOGBERRY
Write down, that they hope they serve God:
and write God first; for God defend but God should
go before such villains! Masters, it is proved
already that you are little better than false knaves;
and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How
answer you for yourselves?
CONRADE
Marry, sir, we say we are
none.
DOGBERRY
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but
I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah;
a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is
thought you are false knaves.
BORACHIO
Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY
Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in
a tale. Have you writ down, that they are
none?
Sexton
Master constable, you go not the way to
examine: you must call forth the watch that are their
accusers.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the
watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the
prince's name, accuse these men.
First Watchman
This man said, sir, that Don John, the
prince's brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is
flat perjury, to call a prince's brother
villain.
BORACHIO
Master constable,--
DOGBERRY
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy
look, I promise thee.
Sexton
What heard you him say else?
Second Watchman
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats
of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero
wrongfully.
DOGBERRY
Flat burglary as ever was
committed.
VERGES
Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton
What else, fellow?
First Watchman
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words,
to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not
marry her.
DOGBERRY
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into
everlasting redemption for this.
Sexton
What else?
Watchman
This is all.
Sexton
And this is more, masters, than you can
deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen
away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this very
manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly
died. Master constable, let these men be bound,
and brought to Leonato's: I will go before and
show him their examination.
Exit
DOGBERRY
Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES
Let them be in the hands--
CONRADE
Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY
God's my life, where's the sexton? let him
write down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind
them. Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE
Away! you are an ass, you are an
ass.
DOGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou
not suspect my years? O that he were here to write
me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am
an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget
not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full
of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good
witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an
officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which
is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is
in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and
a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that
hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and
every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O
that I had been writ down an ass!
Exeunt
ACT V
SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.
Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO
ANTONIO
If you go on thus, you will kill yourself: And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief Against yourself.
LEONATO
I pray thee, cease thy counsel, Which falls into mine ears as profitless As
water in a sieve: give not me counsel; Nor let no
comforter delight mine ear But such a one whose wrongs do
suit with mine. Bring me a father that so loved his
child, Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like
mine, And bid him speak of patience; Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine And let it answer every strain for strain, As thus for thus and such a grief for such, In every lineament, branch, shape, and form: If such a one will smile and stroke his beard, Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan, Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me, And I of him will gather patience. But there
is no such man: for, brother, men Can counsel and speak
comfort to that grief Which they themselves not feel;
but, tasting it, Their counsel turns to passion, which
before Would give preceptial medicine to rage, Fetter strong madness in a silken thread, Charm ache with air and agony with words: No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience To those that wring under the load of sorrow, But no man's virtue nor sufficiency To be so
moral when he shall endure The like himself. Therefore
give me no counsel: My griefs cry louder than
advertisement.
ANTONIO
Therein do men from children nothing
differ.
LEONATO
I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and
blood; For there was never yet philosopher That could endure the toothache patiently, However they have writ the style of gods And
made a push at chance and sufferance.
ANTONIO
Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself; Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO
There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do
so. My soul doth tell me Hero is belied; And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince And all of them that thus dishonour her.
ANTONIO
Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO
DON
PEDRO
Good den, good den.
CLAUDIO
Good day to both of you.
LEONATO
Hear you. my lords,--
DON PEDRO
We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO
Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my
lord: Are you so hasty now? well, all is
one.
DON PEDRO
Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old
man.
ANTONIO
If he could right himself with
quarreling, Some of us would lie
low.
CLAUDIO
Who wrongs him?
LEONATO
Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler,
thou:-- Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy
sword; I fear thee not.
CLAUDIO
Marry, beshrew my hand, If it
should give your age such cause of fear: In faith, my
hand meant nothing to my sword.
LEONATO
Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at
me: I speak not like a dotard nor a fool, As under privilege of age to brag What I
have done being young, or what would do Were I not old.
Know, Claudio, to thy head, Thou hast so wrong'd mine
innocent child and me That I am forced to lay my
reverence by And, with grey hairs and bruise of many
days, Do challenge thee to trial of a man. I say thou hast belied mine innocent child; Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, And she lies buried with her ancestors; O,
in a tomb where never scandal slept, Save this of hers,
framed by thy villany!
CLAUDIO
My villany?
LEONATO
Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO
You say not right, old man.
LEONATO
My lord, my lord, I'll prove
it on his body, if he dare, Despite his nice fence and
his active practise, His May of youth and bloom of
lustihood.
CLAUDIO
Away! I will not have to do with
you.
LEONATO
Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my
child: If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a
man.
ANTONIO
He shall kill two of us, and men indeed: But that's no matter; let him kill one first; Win me and wear me; let him answer me. Come,
follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me: Sir boy,
I'll whip you from your foining fence; Nay, as I am a
gentleman, I will.
LEONATO
Brother,--
ANTONIO
Content yourself. God knows I loved my
niece; And she is dead, slander'd to death by
villains, That dare as well answer a man
indeed As I dare take a serpent by the tongue: Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!
LEONATO
Brother Antony,--
ANTONIO
Hold you content. What, man! I know them,
yea, And what they weigh, even to the utmost
scruple,-- Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging
boys, That lie and cog and flout, deprave and
slander, Go anticly, show outward
hideousness, And speak off half a dozen dangerous
words, How they might hurt their enemies, if they
durst; And this is all.
LEONATO
But, brother Antony,--
ANTONIO
Come, 'tis no matter: Do
not you meddle; let me deal in this.
DON
PEDRO
Gentlemen both, we will not wake your
patience. My heart is sorry for your daughter's
death: But, on my honour, she was charged with
nothing But what was true and very full of
proof.
LEONATO
My lord, my lord,--
DON PEDRO
I will not hear you.
LEONATO
No? Come, brother; away! I will be
heard.
ANTONIO
And shall, or some of us will smart for
it.
Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO
DON
PEDRO
See, see; here comes the man we went to
seek.
Enter BENEDICK
CLAUDIO
Now, signior, what news?
BENEDICK
Good day, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Welcome, signior: you are almost come to
part almost a fray.
CLAUDIO
We had like to have had our two noses snapped
off with two old men without
teeth.
DON PEDRO
Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou?
Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too young
for them.
BENEDICK
In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I
came to seek you both.
CLAUDIO
We have been up and down to seek thee; for we
are high-proof melancholy and would fain have it
beaten away. Wilt thou use thy
wit?
BENEDICK
It is in my scabbard: shall I draw
it?
DON PEDRO
Dost thou wear thy wit by thy
side?
CLAUDIO
Never any did so, though very many have been
beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do
the minstrels; draw, to pleasure
us.
DON PEDRO
As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art
thou sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO
What, courage, man! What though care killed a
cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill
care.
BENEDICK
Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and
you charge it against me. I pray you choose another
subject.
CLAUDIO
Nay, then, give him another staff: this last
was broke cross.
DON PEDRO
By this light, he changes more and more: I
think he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO
If he be, he knows how to turn his
girdle.
BENEDICK
Shall I speak a word in your
ear?
CLAUDIO
God bless me from a
challenge!
BENEDICK
[Aside to CLAUDIO] You are a villain; I jest
not: I will make it good how you dare, with what
you dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I
will protest your cowardice. You have killed a
sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let
me hear from you.
CLAUDIO
Well, I will meet you, so I may have good
cheer.
DON PEDRO
What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO
I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a
calf's head and a capon; the which if I do not carve
most curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not
find a woodcock too?
BENEDICK
Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes
easily.
DON PEDRO
I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit
the other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit:
'True,' said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I,
'a great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross
one.' 'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she,
'it hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the
gentleman is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise
gentleman.' 'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That
I believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me
on Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday
morning; there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.'
Thus did she, an hour together, transshape thy
particular virtues: yet at last she concluded with a
sigh, thou wast the properest man in
Italy.
CLAUDIO
For the which she wept heartily and said she
cared not.
DON
PEDRO
Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if
she did not hate him deadly, she would love him
dearly: the old man's daughter told us
all.
CLAUDIO
All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he
was hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO
But when shall we set the savage bull's horns
on the sensible Benedick's head?
CLAUDIO
Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick
the married man'?
BENEDICK
Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will
leave you now to your gossip-like humour: you break
jests as braggarts do their blades, which God be
thanked, hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I
thank you: I must discontinue your company: your
brother the bastard is fled from Messina: you have
among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my
Lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and,
till then, peace be with him.
Exit
DON PEDRO
He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO
In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you,
for the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO
Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO
What a pretty thing man is when he goes in
his doublet and hose and leaves off his
wit!
CLAUDIO
He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape
a doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO
But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart,
and be sad. Did he not say, my brother was
fled?
Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and
BORACHIO
DOGBERRY
Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you,
she shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance:
nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be
looked to.
DON PEDRO
How now? two of my brother's men bound!
Borachio one!
CLAUDIO
Hearken after their offence, my
lord.
DON PEDRO
Officers, what offence have these men
done?
DOGBERRY
Marry, sir, they have committed false
report; moreover, they have spoken untruths;
secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they
have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified
unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying
knaves.
DON PEDRO
First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly,
I ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly,
why they are committed; and, to conclude, what you
lay to their charge.
CLAUDIO
Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and,
by my troth, there's one meaning well
suited.
DON PEDRO
Who have you offended, masters, that you are
thus bound to your answer? this learned constable
is too cunning to be understood: what's your
offence?
BORACHIO
Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine
answer: do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I
have deceived even your very eyes: what your
wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have
brought to light: who in the night overheard me
confessing to this man how Don John your brother
incensed me to slander the Lady Hero, how you were
brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in
Hero's garments, how you disgraced her, when you
should marry her: my villany they have upon record;
which I had rather seal with my death than repeat
over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and
my master's false accusation; and, briefly, I
desire nothing but the reward of a
villain.
DON PEDRO
Runs not this speech like iron through your
blood?
CLAUDIO
I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd
it.
DON PEDRO
But did my brother set thee on to
this?
BORACHIO
Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of
it.
DON PEDRO
He is composed and framed of treachery: And fled he is upon this villany.
CLAUDIO
Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY
Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time
our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the
matter: and, masters, do not forget to specify, when
time and place shall serve, that I am an
ass.
VERGES
Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and
the Sexton too.
Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton
LEONATO
Which is the villain? let me see his
eyes, That, when I note another man like him, I may avoid him: which of these is he?
BORACHIO
If you would know your wronger, look on
me.
LEONATO
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast
kill'd Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO
Yea, even I alone.
LEONATO
No, not so, villain; thou beliest
thyself: Here stand a pair of honourable men; A third is fled, that had a hand in it. I
thank you, princes, for my daughter's death: Record it
with your high and worthy deeds: 'Twas bravely done, if
you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
I know not how to pray your patience; Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself; Impose me to what penance your invention Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not But
in mistaking.
DON PEDRO
By my soul, nor I: And yet,
to satisfy this good old man, I would bend under any
heavy weight That he'll enjoin me
to.
LEONATO
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live; That were impossible: but, I pray you both, Possess the people in Messina here How
innocent she died; and if your love Can labour ought in
sad invention, Hang her an epitaph upon her
tomb And sing it to her bones, sing it
to-night: To-morrow morning come you to my
house, And since you could not be my
son-in-law, Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a
daughter, Almost the copy of my child that's
dead, And she alone is heir to both of us: Give her the right you should have given her cousin, And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO
O noble sir, Your
over-kindness doth wring tears from me! I do embrace
your offer; and dispose For henceforth of poor
Claudio.
LEONATO
To-morrow then I will expect your
coming; To-night I take my leave. This naughty
man Shall face to face be brought to
Margaret, Who I believe was pack'd in all this
wrong, Hired to it by your
brother.
BORACHIO
No, by my soul, she was not, Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me, But always hath been just and virtuous In
any thing that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY
Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white
and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did
call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in
his punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk
of one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear
and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in
God's name, the which he hath used so long and never
paid that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend
nothing for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that
point.
LEONATO
I thank thee for thy care and honest
pains.
DOGBERRY
Your worship speaks like a most thankful
and reverend youth; and I praise God for
you.
LEONATO
There's for thy pains.
DOGBERRY
God save the foundation!
LEONATO
Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank
thee.
DOGBERRY
I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which
I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for
the example of others. God keep your worship! I
wish your worship well; God restore you to health!
I humbly give you leave to depart; and if a
merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come,
neighbour.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
LEONATO
Until to-morrow morning, lords,
farewell.
ANTONIO
Farewell, my lords: we look for you
to-morrow.
DON PEDRO
We will not fail.
CLAUDIO
To-night I'll mourn with
Hero.
LEONATO
[To the Watch] Bring you these fellows on.
We'll talk with Margaret, How
her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
Exeunt, severally
SCENE II. LEONATO'S garden.
Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting
BENEDICK
Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well
at my hands by helping me to the speech of
Beatrice.
MARGARET
Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my
beauty?
BENEDICK
In so high a style, Margaret, that no man
living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth,
thou deservest it.
MARGARET
To have no man come over me! why, shall I
always keep below stairs?
BENEDICK
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it
catches.
MARGARET
And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which
hit, but hurt not.
BENEDICK
A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt
a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I
give thee the bucklers.
MARGARET
Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our
own.
BENEDICK
If you use them, Margaret, you must put in
the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons
for maids.
MARGARET
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath
legs.
BENEDICK
And therefore will come.
Exit MARGARET
Sings The god of love, That
sits above, And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve,-- I mean in singing;
but in loving, Leander the good swimmer, Troilus the
first employer of panders, and a whole bookful of these
quondam carpet-mangers, whose names yet run smoothly in
the even road of a blank verse, why, they were never so
truly turned over and over as my poor self in love.
Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can
find out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an
innocent rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme;
for, 'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very
ominous endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming
planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
Enter BEATRICE Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come
when I called thee?
BEATRICE
Yea, signior, and depart when you bid
me.
BENEDICK
O, stay but till then!
BEATRICE
'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet,
ere I go, let me go with that I came; which is,
with knowing what hath passed between you and
Claudio.
BENEDICK
Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss
thee.
BEATRICE
Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is
but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore
I will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK
Thou hast frighted the word out of his right
sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell
thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and
either I must shortly hear from him, or I will
subscribe him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me
for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love
with me?
BEATRICE
For them all together; which maintained so
politic a state of evil that they will not admit any
good part to intermingle with them. But for which of
my good parts did you first suffer love for
me?
BENEDICK
Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer
love indeed, for I love thee against my
will.
BEATRICE
In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor
heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it
for yours; for I will never love that which my friend
hates.
BENEDICK
Thou and I are too wise to woo
peaceably.
BEATRICE
It appears not in this confession: there's not
one wise man among twenty that will praise
himself.
BENEDICK
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived
in the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not
erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall
live no longer in monument than the bell rings and
the widow weeps.
BEATRICE
And how long is that, think
you?
BENEDICK
Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter
in rheum: therefore is it most expedient for
the wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your
cousin?
BEATRICE
Very ill.
BENEDICK
And how do you?
BEATRICE
Very ill too.
BENEDICK
Serve God, love me and mend. There will I
leave you too, for here comes one in haste.
Enter URSULA
URSULA
Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's
old coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath
been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio
mightily abused; and Don John is the author of all, who
is fed and gone. Will you come
presently?
BEATRICE
Will you go hear this news,
signior?
BENEDICK
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and
be buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go
with thee to thy uncle's.
Exeunt
SCENE III. A church.
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and three or four with tapers
CLAUDIO
Is this the monument of
Leonato?
Lord
It is, my lord.
CLAUDIO
[Reading out of a scroll] Done
to death by slanderous tongues Was the Hero that here
lies: Death, in guerdon of her wrongs, Gives her fame which never dies. So the life
that died with shame Lives in death with glorious
fame. Hang thou there upon the tomb, Praising her when I am dumb. Now, music,
sound, and sing your solemn hymn. SONG. Pardon, goddess of the night, Those that
slew thy virgin knight; For the which, with songs of
woe, Round about her tomb they go. Midnight, assist our moan; Help us to sigh
and groan, Heavily, heavily: Graves, yawn and yield your dead, Till death
be uttered, Heavily, heavily.
CLAUDIO
Now, unto thy bones good night! Yearly will I do this rite.
DON PEDRO
Good morrow, masters; put your torches
out: The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle
day, Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey. Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you
well.
CLAUDIO
Good morrow, masters: each his several
way.
DON PEDRO
Come, let us hence, and put on other
weeds; And then to Leonato's we will
go.
CLAUDIO
And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's Than this for whom we render'd up this woe.
Exeunt
SCENE IV. A room in LEONATO'S house.
Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, MARGARET, URSULA,
FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO
FRIAR
FRANCIS
Did I not tell you she was
innocent?
LEONATO
So are the prince and Claudio, who accused
her Upon the error that you heard debated: But Margaret was in some fault for this, Although against her will, as it appears In
the true course of all the question.
ANTONIO
Well, I am glad that all things sort so
well.
BENEDICK
And so am I, being else by faith enforced To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.
LEONATO
Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all, Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, And
when I send for you, come hither mask'd.
Exeunt Ladies The prince and Claudio promised by
this hour To visit me. You know your office,
brother: You must be father to your brother's
daughter And give her to young
Claudio.
ANTONIO
Which I will do with confirm'd
countenance.
BENEDICK
Friar, I must entreat your pains, I
think.
FRIAR FRANCIS
To do what, signior?
BENEDICK
To bind me, or undo me; one of them. Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior, Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.
LEONATO
That eye my daughter lent her: 'tis most
true.
BENEDICK
And I do with an eye of love requite
her.
LEONATO
The sight whereof I think you had from
me, From Claudio and the prince: but what's your
will?
BENEDICK
Your answer, sir, is enigmatical: But, for my will, my will is your good will May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'd In the state of honourable marriage: In
which, good friar, I shall desire your help.
LEONATO
My heart is with your liking.
FRIAR FRANCIS
And my help. Here comes the
prince and Claudio.
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, and two or three
others
DON PEDRO
Good morrow to this fair
assembly.
LEONATO
Good morrow, prince; good morrow,
Claudio: We here attend you. Are you yet
determined To-day to marry with my brother's
daughter?
CLAUDIO
I'll hold my mind, were she an
Ethiope.
LEONATO
Call her forth, brother; here's the friar
ready.
Exit ANTONIO
DON PEDRO
Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what's the
matter, That you have such a February face, So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?
CLAUDIO
I think he thinks upon the savage bull. Tush, fear not, man; we'll tip thy horns with gold And all Europa shall rejoice at thee, As
once Europa did at lusty Jove, When he would play the
noble beast in love.
BENEDICK
Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low; And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow, And got a calf in that same noble feat Much
like to you, for you have just his bleat.
CLAUDIO
For this I owe you: here comes other
reckonings.
Re-enter ANTONIO, with the Ladies masked Which is
the lady I must seize upon?
ANTONIO
This same is she, and I do give you
her.
CLAUDIO
Why, then she's mine. Sweet, let me see your
face.
LEONATO
No, that you shall not, till you take her
hand Before this friar and swear to marry
her.
CLAUDIO
Give me your hand: before this holy
friar, I am your husband, if you like of
me.
HERO
And when I lived, I was your other wife:
Unmasking And when you loved, you were my other
husband.
CLAUDIO
Another Hero!
HERO
Nothing certainer: One Hero
died defiled, but I do live, And surely as I live, I am
a maid.
DON PEDRO
The former Hero! Hero that is
dead!
LEONATO
She died, my lord, but whiles her slander
lived.
FRIAR FRANCIS
All this amazement can I qualify: When after that the holy rites are ended, I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death: Meantime let wonder seem familiar, And to
the chapel let us presently.
BENEDICK
Soft and fair, friar. Which is
Beatrice?
BEATRICE
[Unmasking] I answer to that name. What is your
will?
BENEDICK
Do not you love me?
BEATRICE
Why, no; no more than reason.
BENEDICK
Why, then your uncle and the prince and
Claudio Have been deceived; they swore you
did.
BEATRICE
Do not you love me?
BENEDICK
Troth, no; no more than
reason.
BEATRICE
Why, then my cousin Margaret and Ursula Are much deceived; for they did swear you
did.
BENEDICK
They swore that you were almost sick for
me.
BEATRICE
They swore that you were well-nigh dead for
me.
BENEDICK
'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love
me?
BEATRICE
No, truly, but in friendly
recompense.
LEONATO
Come, cousin, I am sure you love the
gentleman.
CLAUDIO
And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves
her; For here's a paper written in his hand, A halting sonnet of his own pure brain, Fashion'd to Beatrice.
HERO
And here's another Writ in my
cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket, Containing her
affection unto Benedick.
BENEDICK
A miracle! here's our own hands against our
hearts. Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I
take thee for pity.
BEATRICE
I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I
yield upon great persuasion; and partly to save your
life, for I was told you were in a
consumption.
BENEDICK
Peace! I will stop your mouth.
Kissing her
DON PEDRO
How dost thou, Benedick, the married
man?
BENEDICK
I'll tell thee what, prince; a college
of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour.
Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram?
No: if a man will be beaten with brains, a' shall
wear nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I
do purpose to marry, I will think nothing to
any purpose that the world can say against it;
and therefore never flout at me for what I have
said against it; for man is a giddy thing, and this is
my conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think
to have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be
my kinsman, live unbruised and love my
cousin.
CLAUDIO
I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied
Beatrice, that I might have cudgelled thee out of thy
single life, to make thee a double-dealer; which, out
of question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not
look exceedingly narrowly to thee.
BENEDICK
Come, come, we are friends: let's have a dance
ere we are married, that we may lighten our own
hearts and our wives' heels.
LEONATO
We'll have dancing afterward.
BENEDICK
First, of my word; therefore play, music.
Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a
wife: there is no staff more reverend than one tipped
with horn.
Enter a Messenger
Messenger
My lord, your brother John is ta'en in
flight, And brought with armed men back to
Messina.
BENEDICK
Think not on him till to-morrow: I'll devise thee brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers.
Dance
Exeunt
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